My heart surgery’s over. It was just 19 days ago that I was on a table with my chest opened up to the eyes and fingers of surgeons but here I am, back at the computer with a mechanical part ticking away inside. I feel surprisingly normal, though it will take a while for my arms to be properly useful again. Right now they’re only good for drawing and typing (and Skyrim). In other words, I’m well and truly back to work and will be doing little else for at least 6-8 weeks.
Here are a few things about my experience that I won’t easily forget. If you’re easily scared, please read on.
Images
I had horrifying visions and dreams in hospital. Mostly whenever I closed my eyes I had flashes of decaying faces with terrified expressions, or extreme close-ups of open, dead eyes or ruptured skin. Occasionally something beautiful but oddly disturbing would play. One of these was a sheet of floral fabric billowing slowly in bright sunlight, but a hellish choral soundtrack gave the scene a nightmarish ambience that I’ll remember for a long time.
These were always slow and clear, as if 1000 fps in HD. Just a series of slow motion scenes that sat behind my eyes, waiting for me to blink or doze.
My guess is that the drugs had something to do with this, but they weren’t nightmares and I never woke in fright. Even when I dreamed that I woke in a mass grave, my own face tightly surrounded by blood-drenched soil and other dead faces.
Even though I haven’t painted in many years, I find myself inspired to create a series of paintings, based on these images which are still vivid in my head.
ICU
The ICU staff were incredible, though I was generally uncomfortable and in quite some pain. There were tubes and needles hanging out of my arms, chest and neck. There were monitors and cables all over me so I could barely turn my head without pulling some device across the bed and setting off an alarm. My room in ICU had no windows, no TV, not even a picture on the wall. After 3 days I was ready to risk injury and punch through one of those walls to get out. Without my visitors (Jeanette, Mum, Dad) walking into the room every day with their familiar smiles and normal clothes, I would probably have started flinging food and singing loud, angry songs like some insane prisoner.
The nurses in ICU told me they had always referred to my room as the sensory deprivation chamber. Thankfully, once out in the ward, I had more freedom and I did a lot of walking.
Night walks
My imagination has a life of its own but I’m not easily frightened. Even as a little kid, I was more fascinated than scared of what might be lurking in the dark. I always considered myself the scary one, rather than the one who’s scared.
In hospital though, I did something I never thought I’d do. A couple of nights, unable to sleep, I wandered alone through that huge maze of a hospital between 2 – 4am. The corridors, some of them easily 100 metres long were dark and empty, lit only at the ends.
Wandering out of my own ward, I felt invisible as I passed the nurses stations. The one or two nurses on each station peered into charts, or computer monitors and didn’t see me pass. I passed a security guard in one of the wide corridors and he didn’t even look me in the eye. I felt like a ghost as I wandered into areas of the hospital I shouldn’t have, all the dark doorways along the way gaping at me as I passed; the tiny red and green lights of monitoring devices sparkling within, sometimes the sound of a rattling breath, rising and falling, or the hot, heavy smell of a person who’s been in bed for too long.
All this time, I was wearing a wireless monitor that sent my vital signs to the nurses station. I was told those monitors only have a range of 30-50 metres but as far as I know, I set off no alarms on my long night walks.
The Prisoner
Just down the hall from me in the same ward, two policemen sat guarding a room, drinking coffee and reading books. “Just like the movies, huh?” I quipped as I passed, and they both laughed. They were guarding a prisoner who they said had survived being stabbed in prison and was recovering from the surgery. The next day I saw them walking him in chains. The guy was monstrously tall. Easily 7 feet. I’d love to have made some witty remark to him but in my fragile state, feared being lunged at by a proper criminal, even if he was chained up.
Back to work
I worked hard to convince the doctors I was ready to go home. They wanted to keep me in for 9, even 10 days but thanks to all my walking and “enthusiastic” recovery, they allowed me to go home on the 7th day after surgery.
So here I am! It will be approximately 3 months before I can draw a longbow, dig a hole or climb a tree. Work-wise though, I’m almost back at full speed, ready to finish Dashkin and finalise the Kickstarter rewards. I’m extremely grateful for the patience of those waiting on their stuff, and touched by all the messages of support from people I know and even people I don’t.
If we all survive the apocalypse in 2012, I plan on making it a big year for BiteyCastle and Brackenwood.
I think (and don’t let my drunkeness fool you) that your picture of the hospital is one of the most beautiful images you have created. I guess it comes from the real experience, and wouldn’t be as powerful without the words to acompany it, but still i find it compelling. I think Rolf Harris said that being a true artist is knowing when to stop. This image with its rudementry lines still showing needs nothing more. Glad to know you are okay, as ever us patient fans are more concerned with your well-being than our rewards. Take care.
Thanks Adam
Glad to hear you’re on the mend!
Shocked to hear you had to have such a critical surgery. I’m glad to hear it went well and that your recovering. Godspeed and good health to ya in the years to come. Keep up the good work with the Brackenwood series; it’s an amazing contribution to animation in general.
Awesome notes dude. I love it. I like the stuff about childhood scary stuff. I think that’s one of those things about growing up middle-class. The scary stuff has an allure to it – not making any assumptions about your childhood.
But it’s alluring in the same way a dark videogame like quake is – peering into your own id, poking at the details, looking through the holes.
Glad it went well, and hope you make a good recovery!
Huzzah! For criminals in hospitals! For future artwork! For creepy visions!
FOR ADAM!
So glad your recovering well! I hope you get around to those paintings, though what you described seeing sounds absolutely terrifying!
Hey, Adam! That’s great you’re back! Greetings from all russian animators! (I hope so anyway.
) Can’t wait to watch your further works and blog posts!
Take care!
And there was much rejoicing.
That’s great news.
Hope you have a speedy recovery. We all missed you while you were gone.
Because no-one draws longbows like you.
Cheers
–Phil
I would love to see those paintings you mentioned if you end up doing them. They sound like they could work as animated shorts as well. The Night Walker sketch is really cool.
By the way those creepy daydreams you were having, that is just your cybernetic parts telling you to kill all humans.
Damn, and I forgot to mention, so glad everything went well and that you had a speedy recovery. Hopefully you will be drawing longbows again soon, but until then you can always satisfy your medieval weaponry needs with Skyrim.
Also, one or more other people that you do not know also wishes you speedy recovery to longbow drawing status.
Well done! Can’t wait to see what’s next.
Glad to hear you’re doing well, Adam. Sounds like you had a heck of a time in the hospital. It would be neat if any paintings came out of that experience, and I look forward to seeing them that happens. I also thought your “if you’re easily scared, continue reading” comment was funny.
Take it easy, ok?
Welcome back!
Me alegra que te estés recuperando Adam…
Mejórate pronto, ARTISTA!!!
I had just finished watching some of your animations and to read this post, my own heart felt the need of aid, i’m so glad your well now mate.
Good to hear everything went well! Hope your recovery is speedy and you get back to doing all you love as soon as possible.
The things you describe sound like something straight out of a zombie movie. Then you go and mention the 2012 apocalypse. Sounds like a lot of fun for me. Hope you made the most out of getting to be invisilbe, you don’t always get to od that you know.
Glad to know you survived. Even though you can work, doesn’t neccessarily mean you should. I was born with heart problems of my own and I know what can happen when you do to much. No killing yourself huh?
Thanks everyone. Before this I was constantly feeling 30% but in a month or two I should be fully charged
May your recovery be as swift as Bitey dashing across Brackenwood. :> Don’t overexert yourself, though. D:
I am so glad to hear that you are back home in recovery! I really hope you take it and easy and be kind to yourself. I’ve watched/admired your work for 8 years, and wish you every possible comfort as you get back up to speed!
Yah you!
Cheers,
Leslie
So glad you pulled up okay mate. Would have died without ey!
thanks mate. All good now
Sounds like a harrowing experience. I’m glad you’ve managed to get some things out of it – for now, just rest up – that’s a lot of physical strain to recover from.
Wishing you the best.
I am glad that you are ok, I am looking forward to seeing the paintings if you post them here and I can’t wait to see more Bitey, but make sure that you are rested and recovered.
Looking forward to the paintings ( I think )
Healty healt for you:) Do you need any help from Poland? When you will have rest of yours egsoskeleton?
glad, your ok adam, take it easy ok?